HOW TO: Manage the Stress of Caring for an Elderly Parent

Source: Tarcher Books

While holiday gatherings are joyous for many, they can also be a source of stress, especially for children with elderly parents. Dr. Robert Satow has these tips for children caring for older parents.

Set limits

This is one of the most important aspects of successful middle-aged caregiving. Maybe it means putting your mother in a nursing home and visiting her frequently rather than having her live with you. Maybe it means having your father over for dinner once a month instead of once a week. Other people might say, “I would never do that to my parent!” But it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you.

Get angry and get over it

Even as adults, we can find ourselves blowing up at our parent when he or she doesn’t respond to a kind gesture we make or a gift we bring: “You never appreciate anything I do for you!” Or at a sibling: “Why am I always the one who has to do everything in this family?” When you get overly angry at an elderly parent or a sibling, you need to identify the trigger that makes the anger flow and try to figure out if it is a response to something in the present or a re-experiencing of something in the past.

Feel guilty and forgive yourself

“I should call Dad more often.” “I should never have put Mom in an assisted living facility.” “I should move to Pennsylvania so I can see Dad everyday.” Guilt is a familiar theme in our relationships with our elderly parents. It’s crucial to recognize when it is at work so you can forgive yourself and feel at peace while offering the best care that you (not someone else, you) are able to give to your parents.

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